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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.