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I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.