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It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science