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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
My misery likes tequila, not company.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.