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Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?