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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.