Daily Silly Status

I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)

Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.

The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.

Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.

My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.

"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."

Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.

I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.

Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”

You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.

My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.

So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?

Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.

Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.