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Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
The secret to success is in my bra.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.