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If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.