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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!