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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
real eyes realize real lies
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.