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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
There`s no WE in pizza.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...