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I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.