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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.