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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?