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Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.