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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss