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Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.