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I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?