Daily Silly Status

Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.

You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.

Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?

I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.

I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.

For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.

I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.

If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.

I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.

my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p

They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…

If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.

I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.