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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.