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ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.