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You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.