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Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.