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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.