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Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.