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PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.