Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
First fart at my new job.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.