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SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".