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Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.