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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
This is a lousy dating site.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.