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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.