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Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.