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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Just another day of not being rich and famous.