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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
Just finished my first book yesterday. 450 pages. Man, that was a lot of coloring...
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.