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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
Iām not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.