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Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
My number was 0...
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.