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Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day