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Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
is battling with eyelids
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.