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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
It needs more cowbell!!
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.