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I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling