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Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached