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Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!