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Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook