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I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.