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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
is available for rebound sex.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?