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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
about love
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.