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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.