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If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...