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"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.