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Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
I have Beer.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.