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My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.