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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!