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Do bees even have knees?
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.