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I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....