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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.