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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it β€œtomorrow” until I wake up.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.