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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.