Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.