Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I`m down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?