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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
sleep is for people without netflix
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.