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PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".