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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...