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How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke