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Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.