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I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness