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Married sext: Iām not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"