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Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.