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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
Little to no thought was put into this status.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.