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"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
That moment when being uncool, is cool
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.