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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.