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Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
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Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.