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I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.