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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
I need more people like me in my life
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.