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If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
I fake my lol`s