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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
I order all my food with extra gluten.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.