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I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
Word for the day is asstard
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??