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Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.