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You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...