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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
I`m thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.