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Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
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wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"