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I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!