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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...