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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend