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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
I get my cardio from caffeine...
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist