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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.