Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.