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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.