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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...