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My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.