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Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I`m never free but I`m available.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?