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I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.