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Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."