Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
I`m perfect you adjust.