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I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."