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Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
Girls just wanna have funds.
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
I just threw up my weekend.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....
These statuses are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman.