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I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"