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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.