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Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of lifeβs problems!
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.