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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.