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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.