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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.