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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
Toilets are really just fart amplifiers when you are trying to be quiet.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime