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Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
You look like I need another drink
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"