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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Screw Folgers, the best part of waking up is knowing I survived last night`s drinking.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
The word bed looks like a bed.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
The older I get the better I used to be.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.