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I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
facebooked yo mama!!!
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...