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I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)