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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
gua suka sama kamu