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New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.