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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.