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I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.