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Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful