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Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.