Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.