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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"