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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.