Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
It’s a status….not your diary…
When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I`m a blackjack dealer...