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Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them