Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale