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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.