Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver