Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Someday, somewhere, somehow Iām going to do something.
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.