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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
Save water- shower with me!
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.