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True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."