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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
make little things count. teach midgets math.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.