Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.