Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?