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You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.