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Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!