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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?