Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.