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I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!