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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
It’s not pretty being easy.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"