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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"