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All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.