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you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Iām a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
Iām actually not funny. Iām just really mean and people think Iām joking.