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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
What number SPF blocks people?
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
My inner child is a drunken whore
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
life is short play naked
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
Some people should come with subtitles.