Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jesus is coming.... look busy
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas