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Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.