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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)