Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.