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The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.