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never be afraid to wipe twice
I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem