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Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.