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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
For Christmas I just want summer...
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?