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Dear Santa, I was framed!
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.