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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen