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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.