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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
My girlfriend said we can`t hang out this weekend because she doesn`t really exist.
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.