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It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.