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real eyes realize real lies
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
drinks well with others.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.