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I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?